Every morning I wake up at 4:00 stiff and hurting. I can either get up or lay there and start pondering why this is happening. This is when Darrin and I talk. When we can say how or what we're feeling. Although I cherish this time, I also realize that I need to process this and in order to process it, I need to express how I'm feeling. So this a.m. I took a stealth approach to getting out of bed so I wouldn't wake Darrin and came into the office to "express myself".
Telling people that your going to die is not an easy thing to do. You don't know how to say it. Nobody knows how they'll respond if someone were to tell them that they were dying. When a person says "I'm sorry", I think me too.
I look at my life and I think of it as perfect. I've found my soul mate. A man that has shown me that there is such a thing as true love. My son is now our son. We have a beautiful baby boy. A home that we were going to raise our family in together. And now, we don't know how long we'll have together.
It's not fair. There is no amount of time that will be enough. I don't want to NOT be here.
Although we know that every person is going to die, knowing how your going to die really bites.
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